Dog Blog #3: Invitation to a Cat

Ruby’s first guest blog of the new year. With a little help from Lisa.

They call me Ruby. Ruby the dog. They yell, “Ruby, Ruby!” And I come. Sometimes I come. Sometimes I stay where I am because I don’t feel like it. Sometimes I go outside and hide behind the bush. I don’t know why. I like going out. I’m an athletic dog. I don’t always trust where they’re going to take me. I don’t really like getting in the car. Though I love getting out of the car in a new place. Isn’t there another way to get there?

Here’s an injustice that came up just yesterday. I’ve been introduced to a cat named “Joshua” which is not a real cat name by the way, and this “Joshua” thinks he can write a blog because he’s been reading mine and thinks he has a thing or two to add. Which I doubt. Because he is a cat. A fat cat. A lazy cat. A cat who hangs by the computer, which is not something I am inclined to do. A cat who sheds his hair everywhere. A cat who has those glow in the dark eyes that are sideways like all cats’ eyes. My eyes reflect light in the dark, too. Dogs’ eyes do that, too if the light hits them right. But we are not sideways. That is ridiculous and I will not be bothered by it.

My mother has always told me, “Don’t mess with a cat. They scratch and the cat will win. So don’t mess with them.” And I’ve mostly heeded her caution. I look at them. I am mildly interested in what they are doing lolling on their lawns. I mostly ignore them. My mother says she doesn’t like them much because they stick their tails up in the air and show their butt holes to the world. Of course I would not have a problem with that. That is not my beef with cats. But I keep my distance.

But this “Joshua.” My mother didn’t even ask me. She just set up this “playdate” of the blogs, and told his owner, “Audrey,” that sure, we could blog together. A cat and a dog. It would be fun! she said.

We’ll see. I’ll inch a little closer. “Okay, ‘Joshua,’ if you want to say something, you can. Do not reach out your slick paw to scratch me, though. I have been warned about you and your kind. You can count this as an invitation if you want, you big hairball.”

Anyway, back to cars, the thing is, a car is not to me what it is to you. Yes, I know other dogs love going in the car. They would jump up any second to do it. But I like to call the shots. I am smarter than most dogs. I don’t mind dumb dogs. Dumb dogs make perfectly good friends. Some of my best friends are dumb dogs. If you have your nose in action, that’s all you need most of the time, anyway. Not that every dog could write a blog or be a Paw Pal. Not the dumb ones. But that’s okay, like I said. They have their qualities. I doubt this “Joshua” will accept anyway. This “Audrey” may not know what she’s talking about. I mean, I’ve met Audrey in real life. I don’t really need to put her in quotes. I know her. She’s okay. (You can find her at Audrey Kalman, Author.) Not a big dog lover, but nice enough. I’ve smelled the cat on her. So, in a way, I’ve already met you, “Joshua.”

Anyway, “Joshua,” you can write a little blog post yourself, if you can manage it, if you are not too busy sticking your claws out at dogs or shedding on the computer because I’m sure that’s what you are doing most of the time.

But the car. I don’t see why I can’t magically appear at the beach. Or the park. Where I wish I could go right now. It has been decidedly too long. But I am forgiving. To a point. Don’t take too long. My mother hates that I keep telling people this. I am still Paw Pals with cousins Max and Zooey and we write letters all the time. I tell them all about it and she is embarrassed but she can do something about it whenever she wants. She’s just not organized, and that is not a thing I worry about at all. Not a part of my vocabulary.

Yes, I do have a vocabulary. I communicate all the time and I watch people intently to determine what they are planning to do next and if I will be invited along. I am even a different dog outside than inside. Inside the senses are cut down to size. Outside they are wide open.

What’s it like for a cat, “Joshua?” Speak, if you will. This is your invitation.

Challenge accepted! Here’s Joshua the cat’s response.

Ruby